What's The Secret?

     Today The Love of My Life and I were driving home from a weekend where we celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary.  Since it was close by, we went to Disney World.  We over did it a bit and we are both tired; however, we were really blessed by the care we received and the interaction with others celebrating anniversaries and birthdays ... OR they were just having fun.  One of the things that made this weekend fun is related to the fact that the folks at Disney placed this nice big round bright red button on both of us that said, "Celebrating 45th Anniversary"  or something like that. And so the questions began.

    The primary question came  from a young couple sitting near us at breakfast on our anniversary.  A young woman asked us, "What's the secret?" Both TLOML and I answered.  Still I kept thinking about this, and we discussed it in the car coming home.  I don't know if it's THE secret.  I don't even know if this covers it all. But how we answered this question this weekend goes something like this:

     First, it is absolutely essential to have a relationship with God. He committed Himself to us by sending His Son, Jesus, into the world, and HE loves us so much that Jesus (God in human form) walked among us.   And as He lived for us, He also died for us. Any military Veteran will tell you just exactly what I will tell you. When you are willing to lay down your own life for someone,  then you are demonstrating the greatest love of all; additionally Jesus, also arose from the dead. He did this  to give us the same power that raised Jesus from the dead to us.  He, therefore, imparted and imparts resurrection power to make it possible to live. Add to this that all love comes from God. (1 John 4:7-8.) Both TLOML and I have learned that to love,  when you don't feel like it, requires you tap into God and into His power through faith in Jesus. Why? Because genuine, authentic and eternal love comes from ONLY one source, and that it God.

     Second, love is more than an emotion.  Love is a choice. Learning to receive God's grace to love through good times, bad, happy times,  and times that are sad,  is something we choose to do, as God gives us His power to love.  If you base your definition on love being a mere emotion, your relationship's foundation will ebb and flow. It will falter and then fail. Choose to yield your life and your marriage to God daily.  Ask Him to give you the fruit of the Spirit, which includes love.  Ask him to impart the greatest gift of the Holy Spirit, which IS love.  Choose to receive it, and choose to give it away.  The emotions may come and go, but a love that is divinely given and chosen to be received and given, will last until death parts you from your beloved ... no matter what.

     Third, love is NOT a 50-50 proposition.  Love sets as it's goal to give 100% to the other person.  If you only gave a 50% effort in school, you would already be getting a failing grade.  Add a bad day to that 50% effort, and your grade would be abysmal.  If both you,and the one you say you love,  have only a starting goal of 50% you are barely connecting, and your relationship -- like the previously mentioned grades -- will already be near failure.  If one of you or both of you are having a horrible, terrible and very bad day, your relationship will be in the abyss.  The goal needs to be the same 100% effort God gave when He demonstrated His love for us. Then when one of you is having a 70% day and the other a 35% day, you still will have that loving connection.  So, while your are choosing to love, receive God's best, give God's best and overcome the rest.

     Fourth:  And this is VERY important!  BOTH of you must make up your mind that divorce is NEVER an option.  If you both do not have this foundation as a primary and or core value, your relationship does NOT have a chance. Having this as an undergirding principle will get you through any storm or any challenge.  Then, when you get to the other side, you will experience the days of gratitude to God as you look back through the journey.  You will see all the stuff that went on.  You will see those days that are full of emotions that include painful ones.  You will see those days where happiness and joy reside.  And you will see everything in between.  You will have a great perspective of when your lover carried those 80/25 days or you carried those 75/30 days, and you will remember that it is good that 100% was your goal.  Finally it will feel good that love was and is and ever more shall be a choice, which will make you content that you chose never to quit.

SoJourner