Shining The Light: The Saint and Suicide:

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly ... tis the season to be jolly..."

          I don't want to burst any bubbles or put a damper on anyone during Advent or Christmas; however, there is something on my heart about which I need to share.  I have spent the last 7 years of my 47 plus years of serving the Lord seeking to help traumatized people connect with the hope of Jesus.  I have always tried to do this, but once a Pastoral Counselor lives ministry outside the church walls, as I have done, the person cannot help but focus on trauma more intensively ... especially when working with those labeled as mentally ill. 

          You all know Jesus.  Or at least you know about this one who is "A man of sorrows acquainted with grief." And while this is the season for celebration, parties, happiness and joy, there is something going on that the Church of Jesus Christ needs to be aware of and be prepared for: Let me just put it right out there.  I want to shine the light on suicide.  I especially want to shine the light on God's people or The Saint and Suicide.  For example, there are numerous people entering into this season with ghosts of Christmas past haunting them as the holiday triggers memories of trauma, loss, brokenness and pain.  The worst of which, I think, is the memory of a loved one who committed suicide.  Or they may be even planning on it themselves. This time of year is anything BUT the season to be be jolly for such as these.

     Someone might ask, "Is it really that important to think about such things?"  Let me answer with some statistics that you can examine for yourselves at  www.suicide.org/suicide-statistics.html .  You may have to copy and paste this web page into your browser to get it to open.  If you look these statistics up, you will find some things that hopefully will motivate you towards empathic ministry. Consider the following:

• Suicide is now between the 2nd or 3rd leading cause of death of people between the ages of 15-24.
• Suicide is on the increase for senior adults and those who are in the late-middle years of life.
• There has been a severe spike of suicides for young women between the ages of 25 and 39.
• 91 Suicides occur in the USA every single day.  That is one every 15 minutes.
• Globally every 40 seconds a suicide occurs.
• For every person "successful" at killing themselves, it is estimated that 10-25 persons attempt to kill themselves, but they do not complete their plan.  Some remain maimed for life.

      Considering how horrific this is to the family in general, the dynamic triggers a whole different set of events that are especially debilitating to families who profess faith in Jesus Christ.  Just ask Pastor Rick Warren, Coach Tony Dungy or the CEO of The Southern Baptist Convention, Dr. Frank S. Page. Sadly, the Church doesn't minister so well when fellow Christians have a family member who dies at their own hands.

        

Is There Anything The Church Can do?

     After his daughter committed suicide, the aforementioned Dr. Page eventually came up with some ideas or recommendations for the Church to help provide loving Christ like care for those families coping with the aftermath of suicide: One thing is to recognize that "everyone is broken."  Just because a person tells you on Sunday morning that they are "fine" does not mean they are actually fine. Outward appearances are not necessarily indicative of inward actuality. After being in ministry more than 4 1/2 decades, I can assure you that seemingly perfect people or perfect families are anything but perfect. It's no wonder that the Apostle Paul prayed prayers like Ephesians 3:16-19 for "the flock." If someone or some family comes across as seemingly too perfect, consider just borrowing Paul's prayer and pray it for them.  You might want to cover your whole church family by praying this prayer for those who attend worship with you.  It certainly cannot hurt.

          The Church absolutely needs to develop the mindset that spiritual warfare is a reality, and that we are -- as the Church -- in a war zone. As Dr. Page writes, "We are in a battleground not a playground." It's important to teach the people of God that the evil one is here to "steal, kill and destroy."  He wants to use every weakness or struggle to rob God's people of their joy. Teach how Jesus came and did "destroy the devil's work."  (1 John 3:8.) Teach that the devil has no power over the Saint but his lie.  Teach the skills so that each one can bring every thought captive in obedience to Christ.  Teach how each can evaluate their thinking.  Provide the ability for the people of God to be able to know  whether or not they are believing the truth or a lie that is spiritually implanted in their head by the evil one.  Teach how to overcome.  Books like Victory Over The Darkness, Bondage Breaker and Who I Am In Christ are well written books that take into consideration the medical, psychiatric, psychological, sociological -- and just as important --- the spiritual dynamics of how to overcome challenges when faced with spiritually induced self destructive thoughts.

Suggested Do's or Don'ts

          What's a Christ-Follower to do under such circumstances?  This is a good question.  All too often well intentioned people come across as having all the answers, when sometimes there are nothing but other questions in the minds of those left behind.  Here are some thoughts on the matter. I have adapted some of the thoughts of the aforementioned Dr. Page.

• Please Do NOT Pontificate Bad Theology:  You may believe someone is in hell because someone committed a suicide.  And some churches teach this; however, what good will it do to bring up such a topic to a family member left behind.  I personally don't believe this, but for those who do, let me make it clear that this isn't helpful for the family to reflect on the eternal destiny of the one who killed themselves.  If they ask, be extremely cautious to not dump your opinion on them.  Doing so simply is NOT helpful.
• Don't use trite platitudes:  Telling someone to "snap out of it" just might make them snap. A person who is in the deep depression of the valley of the shadow of death is not at a place to quickly bounce back.  
• Encourage seeking out Christian psychological counseling:  There are multiple levels of competence in this area of spiritual counseling.  Seeking godly counsel from those who are trained in grief and mental illness, as well as medical and spiritual issues,  is a must.
• Recommend caution in the use of medicines:  Medicine has it's place if it is provided by a qualified physician who understands the importance of a person processing their grief and loss. But numbing a person from their grief, especially during that two week period when friends and family are likely to be around, can be a HUGE mistake.  While their support system is closest to them, is the time when they need to journey through grief with people who love them. Of course dysfunctional families may prevent this from happening.  But pill pushing, when grief living is needed  can have a detrimental impact. All I am saying is please use caution.  PLEASE be careful.
• Practice the Ministry of Presence:  Simply being present with someone, and you don't have to say anything, is powerful.  Love them by being still with them and letting them be whatever they need to be.  Empathize with them.  Really try to walk a mile in their shoes without telling them how to wear those shoes.  Resist reacting to what they say. Reflect what they say don't challenge it. Refrain from asking "Why?"  Asking what, where, when, how and who in an open ended non threatening way, will help them uncover the "Why." Remain focused on them. You are not really needed to say anything.  You are needed to be with them in their grief.
• Be aware that grief is a healing journey and give permission to journey through it.  A lot has been said about the stages of grief.  But I have learned that, while they are very real, these stages may not always come in the same order.  Learn what you can about these stages.  Having this knowledge will help in identifying where the one grieving is in the journey through grief.  According to some experts, the intense part of grief may take from two to seven years, and the length and intensity is impacted by whether or not permission is given to grieve. 

Let me close by saying that during a seasoned labeled as jolly, just as Mary and Joseph struggled and grieved during some very frightening times, even so do many people find that "there is no room in the Inn" for their grief, especially when it comes to the issue of suicide and coping with its aftermath. The "Ghosts of Christmas Past" are triggered each time the holiday comes around. Because of the sheer numbers of those impacted with this loss, these things are important for the Church to know. And there are things that we can do or not do that might just be helpful during traumatic times. Represent Christ well for the good of The Kingdom of God when your brothers and sisters are not having a jolly season and are suffering.

God Bless You

SoJourner