Freedom Thinking #3: Don't Lie To Yourself

Freedom Thinking 3#

Identifying The A.N.T.s That Really Sting.

You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free -- Jesus

John 8:32.

The truth of God's word is designed to help us think about those things that are holy and healthy.  According to Jesus, the word of God, which he called "the word of truth" in his John 17 prayer, is just that. When we believe the truth it sets us free.  When we let all kinds of negative thoughts permeate our minds, however, then we get into trouble.

Once again, thanks and a tip of the hat to Dr. Daniel Amen, MD for some very compelling insights.

Here are nine different ways that your thoughts lie to you to make situations out to be worse than they really are. Think of these nine ways as different species or types of ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). When you can identify the type of ANT, you begin to take away the power it has over you. Let's call these RED A.N.T.s  because these ANTs are particularly harmful to you. Notice and exterminate ANTs whenever possible.

ANT #1: "Always or Never Thinking"

This happens when you think something that happened will "always" repeat itself. For example, if your partner is irritable and she gets upset you might think to yourself, "She's always yelling at me," even though she yells only once in a while. But just the thought "She's always yelling at me" is so negative that it makes you feel sad and upset.  Whenever you think in words like always, never, no one, every one, every time, everything those are examples of "always" thinking and usually wrong. Here are some examples of "always" thinking:
"He's always putting me down."
"No one will ever call me."
"I'll never get a raise."
"Everyone takes advantage of me."
"You turn away every time I touch you."
"My children never listen to me."

"Always thinking" ANTs are very common. Watch out for them.

 ANT #2 (red ANT): "Focusing On the Negative"

This occurs when your thoughts see the bad in a situation and ignore any of the good parts that might happen. I call this awfulizing because life is perceived through the message running in your head that says, "This is just terrible.  It's horrible.  It's awful. In reality, life may be challenging instead.

Our inner person could learn a powerful lesson from the Disney movie, "Pollyanna." In the movie, Pollyanna came to live with her aunt after her missionary parents died. Even though she had lost her parents she was able to help many "negative people" with her attitude. She introduced them to the "glad game," to look for things to be glad about in any situation. Her father had taught her this game after she experienced a disappointment. She had always wanted a doll, but her parents never had enough money to buy it for her. Her father sent a request for a second hand doll to his missionary sponsors. By mistake, they sent her a pair of crutches. "What is there to be glad about crutches?" they thought. Then they decided they could be glad because they didn't have to use them. This very simple game changed the attitudes and lives of many people in the movie. Pollyanna especially affected the minister. Before she came to town he preached hellfire and damnation, and he did not seem to be very happy. Pollyanna told him that her father said that the Bible had 800 "Glad Passages," and that if God mentioned being glad that many times, it must be because He wants us to think that way. Focusing on the negative in situations will make you feel bad. Playing the glad game, or looking for the positive will help you feel better.

Now I am not encouraging anyone to develop a  philosophy of preaching to please people rather than God. But I am saying that having an attitude of gratitude and developing a thanksgiving list can go a long way.

ANT #3 (red ANT): "Fortune Telling"

This is where you predict the worst possible outcome to a situation. For example, before you discuss an important issue with your with someone about which you can, you predict that he or she won't be interested in what you have to say. Just having this thought will make you feel tense. I call "fortune telling" red ANTs because when you predict bad things you can make them happen. Say you are driving home from work and you predict that the house will be a wreck and no one will be interested in seeing you. By the time you get home you're waiting for a fight. When you see one thing out of place or no one comes running to the door you explode and ruin the rest of the evening. Fortune telling ANTs really hurt your chances for feeling good.

ANT #4 (red ANT): "Mind Reading"

This happens when you believe that you know what another person is thinking even when they haven't told you. Mind reading is a common cause of trouble between people. Please! No one can read another person's mind, as for me,  I have enough trouble reading it myself!" You know that you are mind reading when you have thoughts such as, "She's mad at me. He doesn't like me. They were talking about me." Listen. A negative look from someone else may be nothing more than they are not feeling well! You don't know. And I don't know.  You can't read anyone else's mind. You never know what others are really thinking. Even in intimate relationships, you cannot read your partner's mind. When there are things you don't understand, clarify them and stay away from mind reading ANTs. They are very infectious.

 ANT #5: "Thinking With Your Feelings"

This occurs when you believe your negative feelings without ever questioning them. Feelings are very complex, and, often based on powerful memories from the past. Feelings sometimes lie to you. Feelings are not about truth. They are about feelings. But many people believe their feelings even though they have no evidence for them. "Thinking with your feelings" thoughts usually start with the words "I feel." For example, "I feel like you don't love me. I feel stupid. I feel like a failure. I feel nobody will ever trust me." Whenever you have a strong negative feeling, check it out. Look for the evidence behind the feeling. Do you have real reasons to feel that way? Or, are you feelings based on events or things from the past?

ANT #6: "Guilt Beatings"

Unhealthy guilt is not a helpful emotion, especially for your insides. In fact, guilt often causes you to do those things that you don't want to do. Guilt beatings happen when you think with words like "should, must, ought or have to." Here are some examples: "I ought to spend more time at home. If that is true, then just do it.  Make it a priority.  I must spend more time with my kids. If this is true, beating yourself up won't do anything.  Why not just make spending time with your kids be a priority.  I have to organize my office. Sure you can keep beating yourself with guilt or you can make one or two adjustments to your office a day until it is done. 

Here are some good ideas:  It is better to replace "guilt beatings" with phrases like "I want to do this...It fits with my goals to do that...It would be helpful to do this...." So in the examples above, it would be helpful to change those phrases to "I want to spend more time at home. It's in our best interest for my kids and I to spend more time together. It's in my best interest to organize my office." Get rid of this unnecessary emotional turbulence that holds you back from achieving the goals you want.

ANT #7: "Labeling"

Whenever you attach a negative label to yourself or to someone else, you stop your ability to take a clear look at the situation. Some examples of negative labels that people use are "jerk, frigid, arrogant and irresponsible." Negative labels are very harmful, because whenever you call yourself or someone else a jerk or arrogant you lump that person in your mind with all of the "jerks" or "arrogant people" that you've ever known and you become unable to deal with them in a reasonable way. Think about it.  Labeling someone doesn't sound a lot like loving them.

ANT #8: "Personalization"

Personalization occurs when innocuous events are taken to have personal meaning. "My boss didn't talk to me this morning. She must be mad at me." Or, one feels he or she is the cause of all the bad things that happen, "My son got into an accident with the car. I should have spent more time teaching him to drive. It must be my fault." There are many other reasons for behavior besides the negative explanations;  For example, your boss may not have talked to you because she was preoccupied, upset or in a hurry. You never fully know why people do what they do. Try not to personalize their behavior.

 ANT #9 (the most poisonous red ANT): "Blame"

Blame is very harmful. When you blame something or someone else for the problems in your life, you become a victim of circumstances and you cannot do anything to change your situation. Many relationships are ruined by people who blame the people "they love" when things go wrong. They take little responsibility for their problems. When something goes wrong at home or at work, they try to find someone to blame. They rarely admit their own problems. Typically, you'll hear statements from them like:
"It wasn't my fault that...."
"That wouldn't have happened if you had...."
"How was I supposed to know...."
"It's your fault that...."

The bottom line statement goes something like this: "If only you had done something differently, I wouldn't be in the predicament I'm in. It's your fault, and I'm not responsible."

Whenever you blame someone else for the problems in your life, you become powerless to change anything. The "Blame Game" hurts your personal sense of power. Stay away from blaming thoughts and take personal responsibility to change the problems you have.

Summary of A.N.T. Species:

1. "Always" thinking: thinking in words like always, never, no one, every one, every time, everything.
2. Focusing on the negative: only seeing the bad in a situation.
3. Fortune telling: predicting the worst possible outcome to a situation.
4. Mind reading: believing that you know what another person is thinking, even though they haven't told you.
5. Thinking with your feelings: believing negative feelings without ever questioning them.
6. Guilt beatings: thinking in words like "should, must, ought or have to." And beating yourself up because you don't live up to unrealistic expectations.
7. Labeling: attaching a negative label to yourself or to someone else.
8. Personalization: innocuous events are taken to have personal meaning.
9. Blame: blaming someone else for your own problems.

These are some good ideas for avoiding stinking thinking, and I think that if there is any possibility of overcoming stinking thinking, we need to allow God -- as we surrender to HIM through faith in Jesus Christ --- to "transform us by the renewing of our minds." If we do so, we will be glad we did.

SoJourner