A Whole Lot Of Hurting Going On.

A long time ago some bad stuff happened to a man whom God called (In KJV)  a "perfect" man.  I am talking about a man called Job.  Some people have been known to rise from rags to riches. Well Job took another route.  His life would best be described as a life of crashing and burning as he plummeted from  riches to rags. AND he lost a whole lot of family that he loved along the way.

Now, if you read the book, you will find out that he had some friends to come by to help him in his struggles.  They actually sat with him quietly (We call this Ministry of Presence today) for about 7 days.  They really were a comfort to him.  But when they opened their mouths, they did all the wrong things and demonstrated the classic putting of their feet in their mouth disease.  It would have been better if they had just left Job to his misery.

Today, on Planet Earth, there is a whole lot of hurting going on.  Spiritual Crisis, Emotional Crisis, Relational Crisis, Financial Crisis and Physical Crisis can be found just about anywhere. So what can be done to make a positive difference?

After 43 plus years of ministry, I have some ideas that seem to have worked as I have Sojourned with hundreds of suffering souls.  I hope they will help you as you endeavor to help others.

Empathize do not Theologize.

• Number one rule:  You are not their to provide a dissertation of why God is letting "this" happen. You are not present to try to explain how it is "God's will."  Additionally you are not there to pontificate about morality or the lack their of... especially the morality of the one suffering.  When Job's friends did this, God eventually got a little mad at them.  No... you are not "helping" if you become the resident theologian espousing your theology of the origins of pain.
• Empathy is the way to go.  Never hurts to try to understand a person who is suffering and how they are coping.  Provide some Agape or God love to the situation: "Be quick to listen." Demonstrate love as you resist reacting to whatever the person says or does.  Reflectively listen. Let your agenda be to have no agenda.  Just let the person share whatever is on  their heart. Refrain from asking "Why?"  I can almost guarantee, if the pain is bad enough, this will be a part of the sufferer's topics for discussion. Remain focused.  It is easy to do just the opposite and wander in your thinking; yet it really is good to be fully "present."

Be Wise: Grieving Is Important. 

 Let the person journey through their grief.

• Emotions are neither bad nor good.  It is what you do with them that determines whether or not the outcome is more healthy.
• Shock/Denial or numbness may be evident.  The person may not "feel."  God's shock absorber (of the first stage of grief) for a time, is a gift of sorts to help the one in pain get a semblance of balance."  If they are going to ask "Why?" it is here that they may do it, just as Jesus did on the cross.  Yes it is okay to ask the "Why" question.  Jesus did.  And as TLOML likes to say, "God has big shoulders."  It is NOT your job to answer the "why" question.  It really is okay to say "I do not know."
• Anger comes out in suffering.  Do not take it personally.  Let it come out so that the festering wounds of bitterness and rage do not eventually plague your suffering friend.
• Depression where the person get's "blue" and simply may  want to just "sleep" is okay.  Let them go take a nap as you sit in another room. Sometimes folks try to say here, "Aw come on snap out of it."  Well don't do it!  "The Valley of The Shadow" is VERY real, and a person cannot get through it without being allowed to complete this part of the journey.
• Bargaining might come up:  You know what I am talking about.  It is called the "if only I had..." If only I had done" thus and such.  If only I had been..."  Let it be and let them "if only" all they need.
• Sadness is okay as well until they inch toward...
• Aacceptance.
• Then there are many emotions to simply feel that the person may want to express.  Let them do so.

Abide With The Person and Them With You.

• Laugh with those who laugh.
• Cry with those who cry.
• Sigh with those who sigh.
• Simply abide as you Sojourn and take it all in stride.

Pray but let them lead the way.

• The Holy Spirit is always interceding for us.
• Jesus, as our Great High Priest, is doing the same as well.
• You can too, but only if the person wants you to.
• By the way... don't make the prayer to long.

Scripture. 

• This is something, again you do not rush in to.  Pay attention and if they mention "Would you read some words of comfort to me from the Bible"
• Again, the key is let the person take the lead.  This again is NO time to be "preachy."

Oh well, this is getting way too LONG.  So I guess I need to go.  Keep in mind why you are with the person and whom you represent.  Be sensitive and attempt to pick up on where the sufferer seems to "be."  Don't make them "be" any thing.  As a Christ Follower, you are an Ambassador  for Christ.  So be light to the one in darkness. Give the living water to the thirsty spirit.  Provide the bread of life for the hungry soul.  Be the salt of the earth the Lord has made you to be, and add some savor to a persons life. Then you can....

 Be Blessed to Be a Blessing 2day ... Especially 2day :o)

SoJourner