What About Them? What About You?
Someone once said "War is hell." For a period of time, I thought this was not true. NOTHING is as bad as the eternal darkness place; however as I have served both as a Military Chaplain and VA Chaplain, I have decided that this does have a ring of truth to it. Think about this: What would you call something where a teenager (or someone just a little older) is cast where blood is everywhere, fire consumes bodies, machetes fly, explosions rip the human body, hand to hand combat leaves the other dead, and the incomprehensible swallows their humanity alive? It may not be entirely accurate, but it's close: War sure does "taste" a little bit like hell!
Some come home from this place of torment and are able to get on with their lives. Yes they are indeed able to find some sense of normality... or at least that put the normality face on. Others, however, are so profoundly changed by their time in little hell on earth that they find life to be very difficult, if not impossible to live. They are on guard much of the time. Sounds, such as a car back firing or fire crackers, send them running for cover or into a more permanent hiding place. Flash backs of their torment in the war zone take them a place where they hardly can function.... And let's not forget the night mares. Oh yes... Let us not forget the horrors of the night that put them back in a place they do not want a be... dreams that are the stuff of horror films become their nightly experience. The come close to losing their minds, if not actually doing so. Some cannot hold a job. They also cannot hold together their family. They act out as they fumble and stumble to attempt to live out the rest of their lives. Something bad happened to them and still is happening.
What about them? Can anything be done? Is anything being done? Yes something can be done. Yes something is being done, and Yes something will continue to be done.... God willing. I cannot cover all the medicines available that are helping. The power of cognitive behavioral therapy to help them reorient their lives is showing more than a little promise. Spirituality is a key to helping them come to a place of spiritual balance and life. And there is more, but the length of this blog will not allow discussion on these treatments.
But how can a Christ Follower help them? You may say, "I am an not a PHD. I am not trained. I am not a Chaplain." All this may be true, but Christ has said of you "You are the light of the world." He tells you that you have "the river of living water" inside. He gives you the "bread of life" to share and He tells you "You are the salt of the earth." As such you can give light to darkened lives, living water to those who are thirsty, bread to the hungry souls, and you can be the one to put God's savor back into unsavory lives. If you are centered on Christ and He lives through you, you may be surprised at what can happen.
I have some simple ideas that can help you accomplish the fruit of what God has called Christ Followers to be. First, just simply love them. Show them they matter to you, and that they matter to God. Attempt to identify with them sincerely. This does not mean you tell them "I understand. I know what you have been through." No no you do not! Its better to let them know you want to understand, and that you care and want to hear their story. It's better to attempt, secondly, to empathize with them. Then be sure you are real. If you genuinely care, and if you genuinely want to walk a mile in their shoes a bit, make sure your non verbal language indicates precisely what you are saying. Without such congruency, the Vet will not talk... or tell what you are perceived to want to hear.
Now, lets' try to simplify the rest. I hope I do not over simply it. As you listen, TRULY listen. Practice the 4 R's for listening.
R. Resist reaction. The things they are going to tell you are true to life horror stories. Don't react. Don't say. "You shoulda woulda coulda" kind of things. Do not moralize about what they tell you. Just hear what they have to say. Be God's mirror of confession. Be the fruitful hearer that Jesus describes in Matthew 13... The kind of hearer that genuinely hears and produces great fruit. Let them tell their stories. They all ready have enough guilt and shame that they are carrying around. They can beat themselves up without help from some one reacting negatively to them. Let them tell their story....
Ah yes their story... The broken Veteran may not want to tell you "the story.' Some feel, if you are not a Vet, you have not earned the right to hear it. But if you come across as sincerely wanting to hear them and provide them with a genuine listening ear, then they might just share with you, if they trust you.
R. Reflect the obvious overt meaning of what they say. Use a simple structure to follow: 'You feel ____because_______? You frame this as a question not a statement or a fact. This is a learned skill that is based on the ability to identify what a person feels as the result of what they are thinking. This is truth. Here are some examples: People feel sad because they feel like or think they hurt someone. They feel afraid because of the horrors of their dreams. They feel isolated or abandoned because they think ALL their relationships are forever lost. They do not feel trust because some significant people in their lives have taught them to "trust no one or you will get hurt. They feel ashamed because of a fellow soldier dying in their arms, and the think it was their job to keep them alive. They feel lost because this present world is nothing like the world of hand grenades, fire, explosions and death out which they have come. They feel they cannot be forgiven by God or anyone else because of they have been taught that this puts them at risk. Simply hear what they say and mirror as they confess (pray)''
R. Refrain from asking "Why?" You can get to the why by asking open ended questions like What? Where? When? How? Who? These will help you get to the "Why?" If you ask, "Why do you feel this way?" More times than not you will get "I don't know." And they don't.
Remain Focused on what is s being said. There is great power in simply following what the Vet in front of you is saying.
This may be oversimplified, and it certainly takes practice, but if you are a person who genuinely incarnates "The light of the world," incarnates the "living water" from which you drink daily, If you incarnationally share the bread of life to the hungry heart and give savor to the unsavory soul, if you love them, empathize with them and come across this way.... Then if you listen.... REALLY listen, you may be surprise how they intersect with Almighty God in a transformational way. You may be surprised how they come out of darkness into light... how they drink until they no longer thirst... how they eat until they no longer hunger... and how they too learn how to become the salt of the earth. You may be surprised indeed!!!
Let me ask again: What About Them? The answer lies, to a significant extent, in a question regarding you: What About You?
Be blessed today
SoJourner
But how can a Christ Follower help them? You may say, "I am an not a PHD. I am not trained. I am not a Chaplain." All this may be true, but Christ has said of you "You are the light of the world." He tells you that you have "the river of living water" inside. He gives you the "bread of life" to share and He tells you "You are the salt of the earth." As such you can give light to darkened lives, living water to those who are thirsty, bread to the hungry souls, and you can be the one to put God's savor back into unsavory lives. If you are centered on Christ and He lives through you, you may be surprised at what can happen.
I have some simple ideas that can help you accomplish the fruit of what God has called Christ Followers to be. First, just simply love them. Show them they matter to you, and that they matter to God. Attempt to identify with them sincerely. This does not mean you tell them "I understand. I know what you have been through." No no you do not! Its better to let them know you want to understand, and that you care and want to hear their story. It's better to attempt, secondly, to empathize with them. Then be sure you are real. If you genuinely care, and if you genuinely want to walk a mile in their shoes a bit, make sure your non verbal language indicates precisely what you are saying. Without such congruency, the Vet will not talk... or tell what you are perceived to want to hear.
Now, lets' try to simplify the rest. I hope I do not over simply it. As you listen, TRULY listen. Practice the 4 R's for listening.
R. Resist reaction. The things they are going to tell you are true to life horror stories. Don't react. Don't say. "You shoulda woulda coulda" kind of things. Do not moralize about what they tell you. Just hear what they have to say. Be God's mirror of confession. Be the fruitful hearer that Jesus describes in Matthew 13... The kind of hearer that genuinely hears and produces great fruit. Let them tell their stories. They all ready have enough guilt and shame that they are carrying around. They can beat themselves up without help from some one reacting negatively to them. Let them tell their story....
Ah yes their story... The broken Veteran may not want to tell you "the story.' Some feel, if you are not a Vet, you have not earned the right to hear it. But if you come across as sincerely wanting to hear them and provide them with a genuine listening ear, then they might just share with you, if they trust you.
R. Reflect the obvious overt meaning of what they say. Use a simple structure to follow: 'You feel ____because_______? You frame this as a question not a statement or a fact. This is a learned skill that is based on the ability to identify what a person feels as the result of what they are thinking. This is truth. Here are some examples: People feel sad because they feel like or think they hurt someone. They feel afraid because of the horrors of their dreams. They feel isolated or abandoned because they think ALL their relationships are forever lost. They do not feel trust because some significant people in their lives have taught them to "trust no one or you will get hurt. They feel ashamed because of a fellow soldier dying in their arms, and the think it was their job to keep them alive. They feel lost because this present world is nothing like the world of hand grenades, fire, explosions and death out which they have come. They feel they cannot be forgiven by God or anyone else because of they have been taught that this puts them at risk. Simply hear what they say and mirror as they confess (pray)''
R. Refrain from asking "Why?" You can get to the why by asking open ended questions like What? Where? When? How? Who? These will help you get to the "Why?" If you ask, "Why do you feel this way?" More times than not you will get "I don't know." And they don't.
Remain Focused on what is s being said. There is great power in simply following what the Vet in front of you is saying.
This may be oversimplified, and it certainly takes practice, but if you are a person who genuinely incarnates "The light of the world," incarnates the "living water" from which you drink daily, If you incarnationally share the bread of life to the hungry heart and give savor to the unsavory soul, if you love them, empathize with them and come across this way.... Then if you listen.... REALLY listen, you may be surprise how they intersect with Almighty God in a transformational way. You may be surprised how they come out of darkness into light... how they drink until they no longer thirst... how they eat until they no longer hunger... and how they too learn how to become the salt of the earth. You may be surprised indeed!!!
Let me ask again: What About Them? The answer lies, to a significant extent, in a question regarding you: What About You?
Be blessed today
SoJourner
Excellent writing!! Our Veterans need our love and understanding and not our judgemental attitude. You have some great ideas as how to talk with those who have gone through hell for our freedom. Eve Ray
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