HOW DO YOU SPELL LOVE: THE "C" FACTOR

In 1981, I was struggling with what it means to love someone, especially when you are having "one of those days."  A commercial came on TV.  A well know retired Dallas Cowboys quarterback stood in front of a newly cleaned and waxed car.  The question came out, "HOW DO YOU SPELL RELIEF?"  He wrote the answer on the car with a bar of soap.  Those of us who are old enough to remember still know  the answer:  "R-O-L-A-I-D-S."

Now, it may sound strange when I heard this commercial I became really upset. I said to God, "GREAT!  We know how to spell "relief" for an upset stomach, but we do not know how to spell LOVE for loving a person we love when things are not going well and we don't particularly like them.  HOW DO YOU SPELL 'LOVE' GOD?'"

As I sat in my chair, I actually had the four letters I mentioned in my previous blog come to me, and it has completely changed my life about what it means to love anyone, especially those dearest on earth to me. And I have shared this all over the Northern Hemisphere from Alabama, to Florida, To Kunsan Korea to Italy... you get my drift.  Every young couple that wishes me to officiate their wedding get this as a part of their pre-marital counseling.  Why?  Because there is NO working definition written "out there" of the concept of genuine, life sustaining, soul and relationship maintaining LOVE.  Yes I have been talking about this and living this since May 7, 1981.  I have even noticed others are publishing this in articles, journals and professional counseling papers.  Their work is so close to what God "gave me" that I wonder about their sources.

QUESTION:  HOW DO YOU SPELL LOVE?

Let me start with that C factor.

C= Choice of Commitment.

Let's get this straight from the get go.  LOVE IS A CHOICE, and it is A CHOICE TO BE COMMITTED.   This is unlike the dysfunctional relationship definition that bases love on good feelings { and which says} "you fall in love."  There is no question that love that will sustain and maintain a relationship is based on a clear choice to be committed to someone.  If you have no power  as described in  the untruth that says "you fall in love,"  then you also can fall OUT of love just as easily... as is the case for a huge number of our marriages today.

If love is based on my warm fuzzy feelings which I stumbled upon as I fell, then what happens when the warm fuzzy feelings turn into disappointment and anger, which happens often in loving relationships? One young man answered this by saying, "I guess I won't love her anymore."  I did not officiate their wedding.  BTW... they stayed married about a year and a half.  Someone else served as the clergy because they told him they were getting married "because we love each other." If either person in the relationship is not choosing to be committed, the relationship is in danger of breaking up before it gets started on the journey.

John 3:16 say, "God so loves the world that HE gave HIS only biological Son.  Whoever believes in HIM will not perish but will share in God's life forever. (Eternal = Sharing in God's life forever in the greek language.)

Did God fall in love or did God choose to love?  He chose to love.  So what did he do about it?  He gave 100% of Himself to reconnect with alienated humanity. He gave up HIS baby boy to pay the sin debt for you and me.  HE quite literally "laid down his life."  There is not greater love than to lay down your life for a friend," Said Jesus... which he did.  This was not a 50/50 proposition God was making.  God was giving it ALL up because HE chose to give it ALL up.  This involved a lot of grief, pain and sorrow, but God made that choice for you and me.  HE made that choice of commitment.

Yes, I know.  I have heard it said that love is  a 50/50 proposition.  That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.  Anyone who teaches school or who has attended school knows that making 50% your goal for success is the foundation for failure.  Two folks giving only 50% are barely connecting with each other.  But what if one or both have a horrible, terrible, very bad and no good day.  They do NOT connect, and the relationship is in REAL trouble.

What if the people in the "love relationship" attempt to give 100%?  What if they have one of "those days."  Maybe one is only able to give 70%, and the other 55%.  What are the chances of this relationship working? The chances are that this relationship will make it through times that are better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health; Whereas the 50/50 all ready starts with an "F" grade as its foundation.

When you get a chance go read the LOVE CHAPTER of the Bible:  1 Corinthians 13.   Zero in on verses 4-8A.  Here you will find "Love is patient.  Love is kind.  It does not act rudely or arrogantly.  It is not selfish. It is not easily angered.  Love does not keep records of another persons wrongs.  It does not delight in evil, but it rejoices in the truth.  It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, it ALWAYS stays on course.  Love NEVER fails.  

I do not know about you, but I cannot ALWAYS anything.  If I am even going to come close, it would take me making a choice each day to be committed. Then and only then can I even begin to approach, [with my feet of clay] the perfection of being an ALWAYS person.   And I may as well say it:  Each day I do commit myself, my wife, my children and my grandchildren to the ONE who chose to commit Himself to me.  I am talking about God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  This ONE then gives me power to be a better me than I would be if I had not committed to Him... or if I chose to live independently of HIM.  When I chose to commit, my sins HE remits as HE makes me a better me.

Love is a choice of commitment.  When I choose to surrender to God (who IS LOVE)  (and who previously  chose to commit to the human race including me,) then I am empowered to choose to commit, by the grace or power of God, to anyone I choose.  I am empowered to give the gift of LOVE that the ALMIGHTY lovingly and  graciously has given to me.

So, you can choose to believe that love is ONLY a warm fuzzy feeling based on you stumbling into a relational  infatuation of someone.  You can choose to belief that the foundation of love is based on  the feelings that you "bath"  in when you are IN love.  You can reject that  the feelings are symptomatic of the REAL thing.   And you can choose to keep on falling in and out of love.  God will not force you to do otherwise because God will NOT interfere with your choice.  He will, however, let you live with the consequences of your choice.

OR... you can choose to turn your life over to the ONE who IS LOVE.  You can commit your life to the one who loved you before you were born.  You can choose to commit to the ONE who   committed to you before you experienced your first electronic impulse in your brain or your first heart beat. You can then choose to receive HIS gift of love into your life.  YES YOU CAN  take that gift and choose to give it to someone or others.  You can take that gift and choose to be committed.  In doing this you will be a true lover of whomever you wish and no matter what you feel.  This love will last.

C.  LOVE IS A CHOICE.  LOVE IS A CHOICE TO BE COMMITTED.

      

Be blessed 2 day... Especially 2 day.

Sojourner