HOW DO YOU SPELL LOVE: THE "A" FACTOR

Acceptance:  

Even while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

A young woman and young man were sitting across from a Pastoral Counselor.  They were together in pre-marital counseling.  A strange thing was being observed by the PC.  These two did not agree on hardly ANYTHING.  If she said something was red, he might just say it was blue.  If he said something was white, she would say it was black.  If she described a square he would call it round, and on politics and faith...  well let's just say they had their on little jihad a going on.  I exaggerate of course.  I would be safe to describe them, however, as a highly conflicted couple who wanted to get married. The counselor was perplexed.  So he asked them, "What are you two going to do when you get married?  It is clear you don't agree on most things."  Without batting an eye the young woman replied, "When we get married I will change him :o)

Anyone who knows about being in love for a long time knows very well that this is a disaster waiting to happen.  Keirsey and Bates call this the Pygmalion Project... one person attempting to form another person into a desired way of being.  That desired way of being may not be what the one considered to be as pottery (by the other)  would like to be.  Conflict will naturally arise.  The "love feelings" that would be symptomatic of genuine love would be non existent, and the relationship will be short lived.  Why? because there is no observable acceptance here.

When someone starts on a pygmalion project, they are taking on the role of God.  Yet they cannot possibly be all powerful, all knowing and ever present.  When humans act in such a way, we tend to alienate folks.  I do not know of too many women or men who start out a relationship wanting to have all their flaws repaired "once they are married."

The Romans verse above speaks loudly of how God loves.  We all ready looked at how God loves us by choosing to be committed to us.  Now we see how God takes us as we are. When we go to God for a relationship with HIM, we go just as we are."  The old hymn says it like this.  "Just as I am without one plea but that thy blood was shed for me.  And that thou bidst me come to the O Lamb of God I come." When in love with God, we will change, but the change comes because we are attracted to HIS Love offer.... an offer to have a NEW life with HIM forever where HE heals our brokeness, forgives our sins and makes us to become more fruitful and or purposeful in life.  (None of which violates our free choice.)

What I am trying to say is that Acceptance involves taking each, to whom we choose to be committed,  to love them as they are and they taking us as we are.  It then involves (from a Christ Follower's perspective) growing together and committing to, with God's divine help, grow together.  If we are talking about marriage, we are talking about growing together as one.  So... YES... we will change together to be together "forever."

Acceptance also includes accepting responsibility for my place in the relationship.  If both in the relationship "submit to one another out of reverence to Christ," (See Ephesians 5:21)  they are well on their way to a loving experience in each others arms.  Why?  because both are committed to serving each other in this relationship as prescribed in the remaining.  Without accepting co-servanthood as being the accepted ideal, all else will fall apart and the emotional symptoms of what we call love will fade.

By the way... Acceptance does NOT mean accept being beaten, molested, emotionally traumatized or verbally abused.  I get sick to my stomach when I hear clergy continually send an abused person back to be abused again, and they do it all in the name of "love and forgiveness."  There is nothing loving about this kind of thing.  Forgiveness comes later.

"What about forgiveness?"  Forgiveness is important.  Once a person grieves through the trauma they can forgive; however, I think that forgiving from "afar" with boundaries is in order.  The abuser must be helped via transformation, counseling or both before any "getting together" can occur any time soon.  It would also help the one who has been abused to get some help also to unlearn their attraction to dysfunctional relationships.

Anyway, this "A" is a part of the way to spell love.  Accept one another... warts and all.  Avoid making a pygmalion project of someone.  Accept the LORD into your life.  HE will accept you.  Accept responsibility and grow together as co-servants of one another.  Accept NOT abuse.

Y'all be blessed now.  Ya hear:o)

Sojourner