Picking Up The Pieces: A little Self Disclosure and Some Ideas
The latest job report was not so good today. 7.6% unemployment. Wow! If you are one of those folks losing a job or part of one, this has to sting like a scorpion. If the ax all ready fell on you, then you know exactly what I mean. And if you are waiting for the fatal blow on your livelihood, your anxiety level has to be high indeed.
Back in the day (You can tell a writer is getting older when he says things like this) For you text junkies... BITD... (1995 to be exact) I went through a build down of my own. I lost just about everything. I lost the job and or ministry I loved more than anything. I had to sell my home, and I had to go do something I dreaded with virtually NO support. What made this worse than anything else is that, like many men, my identity was wrapped up in what I did. I believed this lie completely. So, needless to say I lost my identity; therefore, I began to see myself as a failure. (Yet another lie)... less than other men, (again a lie) I saw no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. (Guess what? This too was a lie.) I was more afraid, lost, alone, helpless, hopeless than anyone could have ever imagined. No one understood. So, unless you have been in this state, please do not tell someone who has lost their job "I understand." Only those who have "been there done that and go the T shirt" understand.
More important than my own personal crisis was the fact that I had a family for which to care, and I could see no way out. How would they be fed, clothed sheltered, cared for and loved? I could not even love myself in the midst of this identify crisis. Ideas of homelessness and bankruptcy all floated through my brain. Harmful thoughts came to rest in my wounded broken heart and mind. But what good could they do my family? This negativism would bring them only harm if left unchecked.
I came to the end of myself, my plans, my ideas, doing "my way." I found myself humbled before a loving heavenly Father whose Son gave his life for me and whose Spirit soon began to comfort me. Yup! You guessed. I cried and cried out before God. And I want you to know that I got REAL honest. I unloaded the wagon. I took seriously God's promise to "cast ALL my cares" on Him, and I spoke with the LORD about everything that was killing me. Did I feel guilty... YUP. But either God promised what God promised or God did not. By the time I got through praying... 4 words were on my lips. I meant them more than I had ever meant them before. "Thy will be done." I recognized that I was powerless without the Lord. I recognized only He could work in me and through me to work this out and once again make me sane well and whole. I surrendered ALL..... And I mean ALL.
I continued to pray with Proverbs 3:5-6 as my guide. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM, and He will direct your path." I turned it over to God. I trusted God. And learned that the second part of verse 5 was VERY true. I had to lean NOT on my own understanding. Because where He took me and where he led me were places I would not have gone..... to a little white framed, nearly bankrupt little church next to Tsala Lake called Hernando UMC. God worked many miracles in this place, and it is there that I began to learn that it is not about me but about God's plan for multiple generations.
What do I mean by this? The space of this blog does not allow me to share all, but I will share what I can: Trusting God and leaning not on my own understanding gave us a marriage of 37 years +. It brought us through crisis and healing more than a few times. It also brought us 3 children whom the medical folks told us we would never have. (We were not suppose to be able to have 1.) Trusting God and leaning not on our own understanding put us in the right place at the right time to bring many people to know the Lord Jesus. Our children know the Lord because of a life of trusting and leaning on God. Trusting God and leaning not to our own understanding took us to the right place at the right time for our children to find their spouses. What wonderful people our children and spouses are. And we also got the bonus of the grand babies. (Even a couple of loving and interesting dogs and cats) Our children's journeys are amazing and challenging in themselves.
Trusting God brought me through blindness, joblessness, and brought Vicki and me through more than one life threatening health crisis. Trusting God is the key. "Leaning not" is the surprise part of the doors God unlocks. Behind those doors are usually some surprises that require more trust.
Now what about that identity crisis? Good question: I learned through all of this that my identity is NOT based on what I do. It is not based on what others say about me. It is based on who I am and whose I am. It is based on what God has done for me and what God says about me. I am God's child and I belong to God. I gave my heart to Jesus many years ago, and I now am a child of the KING! Some reading this make think this is a bit "cheesy", but take it from one who has gone through this...when you struggle in these difficult times, this issue of identity needs to be settled once and for all... if you are going to get centered and find peace.
With this "God identity" firmly in hand, I know that God will see me through anything. When I Proverbs 3:5& 6 things, I will go where I know not, and I will go where life is best. No it may not be easy, but it will be best. Because I am the LORD's and He is mine,
- I can get through anything!
- Face anything!
- Hold up under anything!
- Accomplish the right things!
- Stand still when I need.
- Go forward to help those in need.
- Be up.
- Be down.
- Be ON TOP!
- Or flat on the ground.
Be Blessed 2day... Especially 2day.
Finding Freedom In Christ
Al
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